A Long Time Coming

Being the youngest of two daughters, I remember – with great vivacity, how for the longest time, I so wanted to be accepted by my sister. When I was in elementary school, she was my hero, the person I admired most. She was cool, had a lot of friends, dressed nice, and was adored by parents, teachers, and peers alike. Being just two years older than me, I always thought that we would be the kind of sisters that were not simply defined by our title, but best friends as well. I used to wish that one day our relationship would resemble that of which I used to revere on the television series “The Babysitters Club.” In the televised program, the older sibling always watched out for the younger one and cared for him or her as though they were their own. They did everything together and stuck side-by-side no matter what. However, as I progressed through grade school, I couldn’t help but notice that my sister and I did not obtain that sense of closeness that I so yearned for – and I didn’t understand why. Other than my parents, she was all I had.

Yet my sister has always been the type to set herself apart from the family and put her social life before anything else – meaning that friends came first, always. When I was younger, I persistently tried to join in on the fun. Whenever she had a friend over, I would constantly ask her if I could play dress-up, make-believe, or better yet, makeovers with them; yet she would always give me the same answers: “No, Kaylyn,” “Go away!” or, my least favorite, “You have cooties, you can’t play with us!” Eventually, I stopped asking; for I knew my wish would never be granted. At that moment of disheartening epiphany, an overwhelming sadness devoured my body. Being that young and rejected by someone that meant the world to me broke my heart. She made me feel like an outcast within my own family and for the longest time, I hated her for that. I resented everything about her – her individuality, independence, popularity; you name it.

Thus, I withdrew from her from that moment on and we became more like acquaintances rather than sisters. I began to cling to the relationships I formed with friends and treated them better than I did her. If ever I needed to talk, to cry, a favor—anything, I would retreat to them; they were my safe-haven.

Yet, one night I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. I was overwhelmed with different emotions that stemmed from a sort of jealousy of my friends. At the time, they all had significant others and I was the only one out of the group who remained unattached. It had been that way for awhile and in all honesty, towards the beginning, never used to bother me. Unfortunately, being surrounded by it, in what seemed like every minute of every day, I couldn’t help but fester up a strong desire for my own special somebody as well. One night, while I was out with my friends, I couldn’t handle looking at all of them holding hands, holding each other, kissing one another, gazing into one another’s eyes – I just needed to leave. Upon arriving home, I wanted to talk to somebody; but who? I couldn’t resort to my friends, for they were the source of the issue-at-hand and due to embarrassment, was far too afraid to discuss such an issue with my parents. I felt lost in a sea of confusion. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn.

Suddenly, out of some sort of weird sixth-sense/sister-telepathy, my sister (whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to in weeks because she moved out of the house and into her own apartment) text me to see how I was doing. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but for some reason I felt the urge to tell her my troubles. I poured my heart and soul into every word that I transferred from my fingers into the phone. Expecting for her to either blow me off or to make fun of me, I was shocked when she replied with sincerity and for the first time in my life, she made everything okay. For the very first time, she became the hero that I had so hungrily pined for when I was a kid. That night, sitting alone in my den, I felt comforted by the fact, that even for a moment, she finally became my sister.